With You
by 34G13
Summary: As Tali recovers from injury, she and Shepard share memories of the war with each other. Spoilers.
1. Writer's Note

This is my rendition of the ending to Mass Effect. You'll pick up the Shepard/Tali LI right off the bat. Other than that, I'm not sure there's much more to say.

Feedback is appreciated, but there are no obligations here. Enjoy!

-34G13


	2. Part 1

For a moment, all Tali could make out was overwhelming light. It seemed a sudden and blinding change to the darkness of the Normandy's cargo bay, the last place she could remember. She was being practically dragged, each step sapping her emergency energy reserves, taxing her body's ability to push her legs forth. Everything became a blur, and soon, even the feeling of being dragged against the cold, metal surface vanished into a bleak mixture of vague and uninterpretable senses.

The girl blinked a few times, attempting to raise her right arm to cover her eyes, though her action was met with a jolt of pain originating from her right elbow. She winced at the sudden shock, letting out a slight gasp that she felt might have hit her ears with a bit more clarity than she was used to. That revelation made her realize she felt extremely cold, and even though she could feel some sort of cloth over her body, she felt suddenly naked, or exposed. Slowly, she touched the tips of her fingers together and rubbed them against each other, feeling not the gloves of her suit, but her own skin.

Curiosity finally got the best of Tali as she tried to sit up, though this, too, was met with a shock of pain, this time from the left side of her rib cage. She dragged her right hand across her body and clutched the source of the pain, pushing herself forcibly through the sharp resistance her body threw at her. Finally, though, after a few moments of grunting and grimacing, she sat up straight, both arms wrapped around her ribs in an attempt to smother the lingering pain.

As it subsided, Tali opened her eyes and took a look around the room she was in. It was all painted white- a very vivid white, like it was fresh, accented by shiny silver surfaces along one wall to her right that cut off before reaching the wall across from her, leading to a corridor of some sort. The front wall was lined half with counter tops, drawers, and cabinets, and the other half, near the left wall, was a couch, oriented towards a coffee table that sat a few feet in front of it. The left wall contained a bay window, furnished with white cushions and a few throw pillows. Blinds temporarily concealed the view from Tali, but that was currently the least of her concern.

Tali's mind wandered back to her nakedness, the feeling of the skin on her fingertips. She untangled her arms from her waist and held up her hands, staring at the faint purple tint of the skin. She saw the crease lines on her palms, the wrinkles on the back of her knuckles, her fingernails (which had gotten rather long), all the while considering how she didn't actually know what they looked like. She had never really taken the time to study herself, or, rather, she had never really had the opportunity. What caught her attention next, though, were scars on her arms. Tali had collected a few battle wounds, but looking at the white lines up and down her wrists, forearms, even up to her shoulders, she felt as if she'd come out on the wrong end of a massive knife fight. She pulled up her plain white shirt, revealing more of such scars on her stomach and sides, then moved to her legs, unsurprised when she found more of the same. Having noticed a mirror to her right while scanning the room, slowly, she hung her legs off the side of the bed, breathing a sigh of relief when the action hadn't caused her any more pain, and stood, taking the few steps required to position herself in front of the mirror. Her wavy black hair had been cut to a few inches less than shoulder length, though it still looked like it hadn't been washed in a few days. She noticed calculated scars where the implants that used to run across her forehead had been, but the feature that stuck out the most was the rough scar running across her right cheek. Slowly, attempting to avoid as much pain as possible, she raised her right hand to her cheek, brushing her fingertips across the rough mark.

"Creator Tali'Zorah," came a synthetic voice that nearly gave Tali a heart attack. She whirled around, almost losing her footing as a result of the effects of the dizzyness from standing. She managed to keep her balance, though, and now stared a normal-sized geth unit in the face... flashlight?... while still holding her hand to her cheek. The geth seemed to take notice of the placement of her hand, repositioning the flaps around its head as it processed the visual input.

"Laceration, right cheek," it said. "Shrapnel from an exploding Mako penetrated the environmental suit visor, grazing the cheek before becoming lodged in the air filtration unit in the rear of the helmet."

The mako. Tali remembered now, diving out of the way to avoid being crushed by a mako that had been sent flying as it had been hit by Harbinger's laser. She hadn't dove far enough, though, and for the first time in her life, she experienced sensory overload numbness as she was showered with shrapnel.

The two figures in the room continued to stare at each other somewhat awkwardly.

"I can notify a creator physician of your consciousness if you would like," the geth said, seeming to sense the tension.

"Do you... do you have a name?" Tali stuttered. Her throat and lungs felt exhausted, like she had just run a marathon. Dizzyness returned as she moved back to the side of the bed.

"Cypher," the unit replied. "I am your personal assistant."

"Were you assigned to me?" Tali asked, confused as to the response. The last she knew, the geth had not been transformed back into servants.

"No."

"Then... why are you my 'personal assistant'?"

"I volunteered. The data on you provided to our consensus by Legion places you in high regard among the geth. When you were brought back to Rannoch and we learned of your injuries, I volunteered to assist as a medical and personal assistant to express our gratitude."

"Well... thank you," Tali said softly, pulling herself back onto the bed. "Is Admiral Raan around?"

"I can notify creator Shala'Raan of your status."

"Please do."

"Understood." Cypher held up its arm, spawning an onmi-tool before typing into it. "Creator Shala'Raan has been notified."

"Thank you, Cypher."

"Do you require further assistance, creator Tali'Zorah?"

"No, not right now. And please, Tali is fine."

"Very well, Tali. Please notify me if I can be of assistance." Cypher disappeared into the corridor on the right side of the room.

Tali built a mountain of pillows at the head of the bed so she could rest without having to stare at the ceiling, then leaned back on them and pulled the bedsheets up to her waist. Her mind spun with constant questions.

_Did the mako cause all these scars? The shrapnel would have had to puncture my shields and my suit... how did I survive so much damage? How did I get back to Rannoch? What happened between then and now? Where's Shepard?_

Her mind paused at that question, then repeated it several times before she tried to remember her last interaction with him.

* * *

Things exploded around her- vehicles, landscape, people- Tali had begun to wonder if there was really a source to it all or if things had simply begun to spontaneously combust. If she had possessed the energy and the courage, she would have lifted her head and tried to figure it out for herself, but keeping her feet up to Shepard's speed was taxing enough.

The ground composition shifted under them, from the uneven and rough surface of Earth to the ramp of the Normandy's cargo hold.

"Here, take her," She heard Shepard shout. Tali would have tried to resist, but she wasn't able to realize what was happening until her arm was already around Garrus' shoulders.

"Shepard! I'm coming with you!" She shouted back as loud as her weak lungs would allow.

"Don't argue with me, Tali!" he replied. Somehow, through the mask, smoke, and dust, the commander saw that the intensity in her eyes hadn't let up. He took a few slow steps towards her, his composure changing from that of a statuesque war hero to a radiance of sorrow and longing.

"I need you to live, Tali. Go back to Rannoch. Build yourself a home." He reached out and brushed his hand against the side of her helmet. Tali wanted nothing more than to be able to pull the damned thing off and feel his hand on the skin of her cheek, even if it was burning like hell all of a sudden, but all she could do was watch as Shepard took a few steps backwards down the ramp, maintaining eye contact.

"I have a home," Tali said softly. For a moment, they continued to stare in each others eyes until an uncomfortably close explosion tore away Shepard's attention.

"Go!" he shouted, waving his arm as he concluded his descent off the ramp. Garrus tugged on the girl, and for a few moments, she resisted with all her might, holding her hand out as the man she loved drew further away from her, never breaking eye contact until the lifting of the ramp forced him out of sight.

"Come back to me!" She had shouted as loud as she could, though it was no match for the ambient surrounding noise and chaos. His eyes were sad, apologetic, caring... and then they were gone.


	3. Part 2

_And then they were gone,_ Tali thought to herself, tears forming in her eyes.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of opening doors in the corridor to her right.

"Creator Shala'Raan," Tali heard. "Tali has requested your presence."

"Thank you, Cypher," Raan's voice came. "I received your notification."

"Do you need assistance, Creator Shala'Raan?"

"No, thank you."

"Understood. Please let me know if you need assistance." The voices ceased, and moments later, Raan appeared around the corner.

"Tali," the admiral said, as in awe of the sight of the girl. "It's so good to see you finally awake."

"How long have I been asleep?" Raan's movements were subtle, but Tali could tell, even through the visor, that the admiral had looked away. Slowly, Raan walked to the side of the bed and sat down, keeping her eyes averted.

"Almost a year."

"A...a year?" Tali stammered in disbelief.

"You've been in a coma. For about three months, it was medically induced, until the possibility of you being awake was deemed 'safe.' Though, we believed you slipped away even before the medication was applied."

"Auntie, what happened?" Raan sighed at the question, lowering her head.

"Are you sure you want to know, dear? There's a lot of detail. Your vitals still say you're weak. Perhaps you should rest some more before we dive into this."

"I won't sleep until I know. I'm asking myself too many questions I can't answer. It would help if I just knew."

"I suppose it would," Raan replied. "Alright. Much of what we know is second-hand knowledge from a few different people, but I'll do my best to fill in the gaps."

* * *

"James! Kaidan! Somebody help me out here!" Garrus yelled into the cargo bay. At this point, he was practically dragging Tali along beside him, the quarian seeming to have lost consciousness completely. Garrus would have picked her up and carried her himself, but he was dealing with his own injuries, one of which being a forearm that shouted misery to his nerves. Most of the crew had assembled to assist in whatever way they could as the Normandy had descended for Shepard's emergency call, but all they had really done was stand and watch in horror as Harbinger wreaked havoc in the background.

"Yo! Somebody!" Garrus shouted again, having finally broken Kaidan's thousand-yard stare. James broke on sight of the Major's movement and followed him over.

"What the hell happened?" Kaidan asked as he took Tali's free arm over his shoulder.

"A _reaper _happened, Kaidan," Garrus snapped back. He shook his head as he rested Tali's other arm around James' shoulder. "Sorry. Just get her to the med bay."

"Right," Kaidan replied. He and James practically sprinted to the elevator. Fortunately, it was already waiting on deck five, but the two couldn't resist impatient fidgeting as it climbed casually to the crew deck. As soon as the doors parted, the soldiers were sprinting once more, leaving Tali's feet to drag against the ground.

"Chakwas!" The Major yelled as the doors to the med bay came in sight. The doctor appeared with a confused look on her face.

"What... Oh my goodness," She said upon sight of Tali. "In here, quickly." The doctor retreated and immediately began rummaging through drawers and cabinets, pulling out all sorts of supplies.

"Put her on the bed. Kaidan, there are databases on quarian suit structure and physiology in my files. Pull them up for me, I'll need your help."

"Sure thing," the Major replied as he and James laid the unconscious quarian gently on the medical table. "Lieutenant, go up to the bridge and let me know if something goes wrong."

"Yes, sir," James replied, hurrying back through the door toward the elevator. Kaidan sat down in front of Chakwas' computer and began searching for the files she had mentioned while the doctor pushed a cart full of items she had just dragged out over to the table Tali rested on.

"I have those files up, doctor," Kaidan said.

"I need the location of an emergency injection site," Chakwas replied as she examined the body in front of her. Kaidan typed a few things into the keyboard, and the computer responded with a numbered list.

"I have multiples. Does an arm work?"

"Yes, yes, that will be fine." Kaidan clicked the link, revealing an image with access instructions.

"The clamp just above the elbow has to be sealed off first," he said. Chakwas searched the quarian's upper arm until she found the seal, then activated it. It let off a hissing sound as it complied.

"It's sealed," the doctor said.

"Twist the clamp to the left, then pull down." Carefully, the doctor twisted the seal. Once it turned, she pulled it down the inch it would allow, revealing a small square opening in the suit material where the skin was exposed.

"Thank you. I need you to grab an oxygen tank, an air filtration unit, and an oxygen mask," Chakwas said as she picked up a syringe and stuck it into a large vial, extracting a bluish liquid from it. She turned back to the quarian and carefully stuck the needle into the exposed skin.

"Hang in there, Tali," the doctor said softly as she tossed the needle into a containment unit.

Kaidan returned quickly with the supplies Chakwas had asked for and began to assemble them- first, the oxygen tank to the filtration unit, then the filtration unit to the oxygen mask.

"We're pushing it, but I don't see any other options," Chakwas said. "The suit is shredded to the point where it's not going to provide her any protection, and we don't have the materials to repair it. We'll have to remove it all to get to these wounds, anyway. Help me with her helmet, Major." Carefully, the two worked off the damaged mask, revealing Tali's pale and colorless face, standing in contrast to the vivid red blood that streamed from the gash in her cheek. Kaidan returned to the computer and gave the doctor instructions as to removing the rest of the helmet, then returned and placed the oxygen mask over the girl's nose and mouth.

"Alright. We've got the antibiotics and the filtered air," Chakwas checked off out loud. "Would you have Liara come help me with the wounds? You need to be on the bridge anyway, Major."

"Yeah, right," Kaidan said, taking one last look over the bloody mess of a quarian on the table in front of him. " You need _anything, _you let me know." The Major turned and left the doctor alone in the med bay.

* * *

"I was really that bad?" Tali asked softly after taking in Raan's words for a moment.

"You were in worse shape than you could possibly imagine," the admiral replied. "It was nothing short of a miracle that Dr. Chakwas was able to keep you alive in such an unclean environment for so long."

"How long did I stay on the Normandy?"

"The mosaic fleet retreated upon Admiral Hackett's confirmation of the crucible being activated. When we were able to return to Earth, the Normandy was left unaccounted for, and the relays were moderately damaged. The repairs took at least a month, and after, it was another couple of weeks before the Normandy returned to Earth. Apparently, the energy from the crucible took the ship down over an unmapped planet in the Local Cluster. They had to repair most of their systems before they could return." Raan let out a soft laugh. "We met an engineer named... Adams, I believe. He told us that if you had been awake, the Normandy would have made it back before the relays were repaired... and then you would have repaired the relays." Tali humored the slight upward tug on the corners of her mouth.

"He sends his wishes, by the way," Raan added.

"I'll have to thank him."

"Right now, dear, you should rest. You look exhausted."

"But Auntie, I still-"

"I know, Tali. I know you must have many questions, and you will get answers in time, but right now you need to rest. We need to worry about your health, first."

Shepard had been Tali's next question. If the crucible had fired, that meant Shepard had made it into the citadel and gotten the arms open, but had he made it back to the Normandy before the retreat? Had someone else picked him up? The girl desperately wanted to ask, but Raan's eyes were pleading Tali to ease off the questions.

"...alright," Tali said reluctantly.

"We'll talk more later, I promise. Just let Cypher know."

"Oh, I can just..." the girl said, raising her arm and pausing when nothing happened.

"...the doctors took your omni-tool."

"But... I..."

"I tried to at least get you a limited use replacement, but they wouldn't allow it. Your old one is pretty badly damaged, anyway."

"I can fix it! I can recover the data and transfer it to a new one!"

"...which is exactly why they don't want you to have one."

"Do they suddenly not trust me with data?"

"No, they don't want you fiddling endlessly with anything. They said it would keep you from resting." Raan sighed. "You have to understand that their idea of 'rest' is almost perfectly synonymous to 'doing nothing.'" Tali sat back against her mound of pillows, arms crossed, a frustrated look on her face. Raan took note of how her cheeks seemed to swell with anger, the blood rushing to them having turned them a bright red.

"Fine," Tali said. "But you know, if I get bored enough, I'll just rewire Cypher or something."

"Tali, do you require assistance?" Came Cypher's synthetic voice as it appeared in the corridor. For a moment, Tali gave it a somewhat menacing glare before shutting her eyes and letting her head fall back.

"Would you bring me a glass of water?"

"Understood," the geth said, disappearing once more. Raan laughed quietly at the ridiculousness of what had just happened.

"Be patient, dear. Things will get better," the admiral said as she stood and took the few steps towards the head of the bed. She ran a hand through Tali's hair, letting her three gloved fingers come to rest on the girl's shoulder. "I had forgotten how beautiful you were... just like your mother."

"Thanks," Tali said softly, feeling the blood rush to her cheeks.

"Rest well, dear." Raan turned and disappeared into the corridor, the sound of doors soon following. Her absence was replaced less than a second later by Cypher's re-appearance.

"Here is your water, Tali," it said, holding out a clear glass about three quarters full of water. Tali took it, only taking a sip before sitting it on her bedside table. The feeling of the cool liquid in her throat was vivid, as if she hadn't drank anything for an eternity.

"Do you need further assistance?" Cypher asked.

"You can't get me an omni-tool, can you?" Tali asked, somewhat jokingly.

"I have been restricted from granting you access to an omni-tool. However, I can put in a request." The geth raised its arm and typed something into its own omni-tool. "Request sent, Tali."

"Thank you, Cypher," Tali replied behind a laugh at how seriously the geth had taken her request. "For your sake, you better hope they approve."

"Have I done something wrong?" to this, Tali felt a spurt of laughter, but it quickly subsided after it invoked a sharp pain in her ribcage. The sudden break of vocal sound sent her into an even more painful coughing fit, and by the time she finished, she found herself more upset than happy.

"No, Cypher. I was joking," the girl replied, her arms wrapped around her ribs.

"I am not adept in figuring humor in a situation."

"Obviously." To this, Cypher remained silent. Tali wondered if she had offended it.

"Tali, do you require further assistance?" It said after a moment.

"No," Tali replied, rolling her eyes.

"Please let me know if you require assistance." Cypher turned and walked back into the corridor, leaving Tali alone in the room once more.

Within the past few minutes, Tali had felt exhaustion creep up on her, though she wasn't sure why. With the lack of something else to keep her busy, however, sleep felt like a good option. She had hoped, perhaps, it might even take her mind off things, but as she allowed herself to be taken over by the illusive heaviness, all Tali could think about was Shepard.


	4. Part 3

She was on Haestrom, shaking with fear, watching the download bar on the console in front of her as gunfire seemed to ring out from every direction. Constant beating on the armored door kept her on her toes, looking over her shoulder once every second, her hand grasping her pistol. Once, she had even turned and set Chiktikka in front of the door. She stared dumbly at the orange ball for a few seconds before recalling it, feeling as though the drone would be utterly useless.

Sounds of gunfire had gotten closer and had morphed into more and more explosions. Taking this as a sign that the geth were nearly through the door, Tali had taken cover behind a server, kneeling on the ground, her pistol drawn. She was afraid, but she was also angry, full of rage with the whole situation.

_What has happened every time an organic patrol has come into geth space? They've been killed! So what do you do? You send us into this stupid system to gather data on a stupid star. What's your justification? "You're the only one I trust with this, Tali." Thanks, father._

An explosion rang out with such intensity that Tali felt deafened by it. It seemed to echo off the surfaces of the room for an eternity, and once it had finally died away, the girl wondered if the lack of noise implied a lack of geth or if she had just become deaf.

"Tali? It's clear," came a voice through the comm channel. She didn't respond; she had been too afraid to move, crouching behind the server, a death grip on her pistol.

"Tali, are you there? It's clear. The geth are gone. You can open the door." Urgent, yet caring. Only now did Tali realize how much her hand hurt. She forced herself to take a deep breath, relaxing her muscles as she let it out, then stood and walked back to the console where her data was finishing its download. She typed in a string of characters that set the door in motion, turning to watch as Shepard entered, his eyes wide and alert, swinging his gun back and forth, scanning every part of the room, before his eyes finally fell to the girl herself. Tali wasn't sure if she had ever seen so much worry and concern welled up in them.

"Are you alright, Tali?" He asked.

"Physically, yes," she replied, trying to hide the quiver in her voice. "...I might be psychologically scarred for a while, though." She could see tension easing from his body, knowing she was safe and unharmed.

That was before they knew the feeling was mutual.

* * *

A persistent prodding on Tali's shoulder made her stir from sleep.

"Tali? I'm sorry, we need you up for a moment. You can go right back to sleep when we're finished." The voice was unfamiliar.

"mmm... What do you need me for?" The girl said behind a yawn.

"We have a few different antibiotics to give you. One of them is an injection, so we just need you up for a moment."

"Alright," Tali replied, pulling herself to a sitting position, the soreness in her side not allowing her a moment of reprieve. She stared somewhat mindlessly, thinking about the dream she had as the doctor set to work. The memories of Shepard continued to build in her mind, and she had begun to regret not asking Raan about him when she had the chance.

"All done," the doctor said, tossing a needle into a containment unit on the wall. Tali realized she hadn't even felt the needle. "I just need you to take these pills." The doctor handed Tali a small cup full of tablets of different shapes and colors. Tali swallowed them all at once with the assistance of the glass of water Cypher had brought her.

"Alright, we're good to go. May I ask how you're feeling?" The doctor said cheerfully.

"I'm... alright, I guess. I'm still a little confused as to what all is going on."

"I imagine you are. It's not easy being asleep for a year. Shala'Raan is waiting to talk to you when you're ready."

"Could you send her in?"

"Of course. If you need anything, just let Cypher know."

"Thanks," Tali said softly. The doctor gathered a few things and headed towards the corridor, leaving Tali momentarily alone in the room until the sound of doors indicated Raan's arrival.

"Tali, how are you feeling?" The admiral asked. Tali had to look up to make sure it wasn't just the doctor needlessly repeating her question.

"I feel fine. Maybe a little light headed. But I feel alright."

"That's good news." There was a short silence.

"...I _am _going to be alright... aren't I?" Raan turned and walked slowly toward the window, her hands behind her back as she thought about the question.

"You're doing better than anyone thought you may be," she said. "You still have foreign material in your blood, but your body has developed natural antibodies to most of it. In fact, the doctors say that there are more than there should be. They seem confused, but I think I know something about you that they don't."

"What would that be?" Tali asked, genuine curiosity in her voice. Raan turned back and approached the bed as she spoke.

"I effectively raised you as my own, Tali. I've watched you grow up. I always thought you were... somewhat transparent. I had wondered if that might have changed when you returned from your pilgrimage... either it didn't or I don't know you as well as I think I do."

"So... my transparency lead to more antibodies?" Tali asked, still confused. Raan laughed a little as she sat on the side of the bed.

"No. I was going to say... I still noticed that transparency when you returned for your trial. When you were around your captain, Tali. The way you looked at him, the slight bounce in your steps, that subtle inch closer you always were to him..." Having suddenly realized what Raan was implying, Tali blushed furiously. She tried to hide her face, but she quickly found out that her chin couldn't go any further than her chest, even without the suit.

_I never thought I'd wish I had that damn thing back, _she thought. Raan seemed to sense her incredible embarrassment and quickly moved her point forward.

"Tali, what I'm saying... is that whatever interaction you had with Shepard likely saved your life." Tali had never thought of things that way. Not once had she thought that her adaptation to Shepard could be a subtle adaptation to Earth or foreign matter in general. Her embarrassment morphed into longing, awe, sadness, and a slew of other feelings that sent a chill through her heart.

_Even when he's not here, he's still taking care of me. _Tears had begun to flow down Tali's cheeks, and as soon as she realized it, she rubbed her hands furiously across her face.

"Is he... is he alive?" Tali finally asked.

"...yes." the girl felt an ominous hesitation in Raan's answer.

"...but?"

"...but, he's still on Earth, recovering from his own injuries."

"How bad were they?" The girl asked, urgency in her tone. However, once the question had slipped, Tali regretted it, realizing she may not want to know.

"Bad. The news story said that soldiers sweeping for life signs passed over him at first without reading anything. They were drawn back by a sudden spike in readings. They couldn't explain it."

"I... I need to see him," Tali said after a moment.

"I know you want to, Tali. You've come a long way, but you still have a lot of work to do."

"Like what? I don't feel sick. Really, I'm fine!" She said, starting to get choked up on tears.

"For one, you've been lying in bed for a year. You've barely used your muscles. You still have a few more weeks of antibiotics before the doctors want to even think about putting you through stress tests."

"What more antibiotics could I need? Like I said, I really don't feel sick."

"There are two reasons for that. First, again, would be the lingering foreign material in your system. In addition to that, though, the doctors are trying to build your immunity. They're trying to create antibodies for, at the very least, as much of the material present on Rannoch as possible."

"That's what the suit is for. Why do I suddenly have to adapt to everything?"

"Have you seen the scars where your implants were?" Raan asked. Her tone noted that she was becoming frustrated with Tali's urgent, emotionally-charged questions.

"Yes, I have," Tali replied, sensing the frustration and trying to calm herself down. "Why were they removed?"

"Like most everything else, they were badly damaged. The doctors had talked about replacing them once you had gotten better, but that was before they removed them and noted significant nerve damage. They decided the safest course would be to simply not give you new ones. You know that those interfaces helped interact with crucial suit systems."

"So... I _can't _use the suit anymore," Tali said softly. "They're trying to build my immunity so I don't get sick when I leave this room."

"Yes, dear. Of course, the therapy isn't perfect, but it should prevent anything from threatening your life."

"I see," Tali said, staring at the ground. For a moment, neither of them said anything.

"How long will it take?" Tali asked.

"Well... Like I said, the antibiotics will last for a few more weeks. The doctors had planned on starting physical therapy soon after that. It won't be until then that we know exactly how much muscle and stamina you've lost. That will ultimately decide how long the physical therapy takes. Also, of course, as soon as you leave the room, they'll be watching you to see how the antibiotic therapy is working." Tali wasn't sure if she was made more restless by the idea of being watched so constantly or the notion that she could still be in the hospital for quite a while.

"I don't know if I can wait that long," Tali said with as much restraint as she could.

"I know, Tali. We haven't heard any bad news since his recovery from the citadel was aired. I'm sure he's doing alright."

"It's not even that. I told him I would be at his side, no matter what the war threw at us. With all we've been through... if there's even the remote possibility that he suffered the tiniest scratch, I want to be there." Tali had begun to tear up. "It seems so easy now. What kind of person would I be if I let the easy stuff slide?" Raan stood and walked back over to the window.

"Shepard never struck me as unreasonable. He always demonstrated a great deal of restraint for the good of others... only the incident with Gerrel would prove me wrong in that regard. I'm sure, if he knew you couldn't be there for him because you were recovering from injuries, he would understand."

"I know," Tali said. "It's not even about that, really. I... I just... want to be there."

"You'll see him again, Tali. I promise."

"Alright," Tali said in a manner that expressed more of a reluctant dropping of the topic than of genuine comfort.

"I have a meeting I need to get to. Is there anything you need?" Raan said, turning back to the girl.

_Of course there is, _Tali thought. _I want an omni-tool. I need to see Shepard. I need to get out of this damn hospital. But you know that and you won't do anything about it, so why bother telling you again?_

"No," Tali said, her head hung in defeat, tears rolling from her eyes.

"Alright. I'll be back soon," Raan said. She hesitated for a moment, watching Tali cry, the miserable wreck she was, locked up in this room without anything that mattered to her. The admiral then quickly left before she, too, would allow tears to form.

_No. You came up here because I asked you to. I want you here. With me._

"I want you here, Shepard," Tali whispered to herself, falling back onto her pillows and pulling her knees up to her chest. "I want you here. I want to be there. I don't know. I just want to be with you."


	5. Part 4

Tali had begun to believe she was being intentionally tortured. The window was what drove her over the edge, the fact that she had no contact with the outside world whatsoever, but she could so easily pull back the blinds and look out on the ancient city around the hospital. She watched from her perch as teams of quarians and geth alike worked constantly to reinforce and retrofit the old structures to make them safe and liveable again.

"Why didn't you tear down the structures?" Tali had asked Cypher one day.

"We did remove many of the structures in areas where significant damage made them immediately unsafe for any form of use. Most of the centers of creator civilization were in such disrepair that we removed them in their entirety. We calculated that most structures of Raylin were worth preserving."

"Raylin?"

"Raylin was the name given to this particular center of creator civilization."

"Oh. Well, geth don't use quarian structures, so what was the purpose of preserving... Raylin?"

"In case the return of the creators was ever allowed."

"You left the city standing so that quarians would have a place to go if you let us come back?"

"Yes." Tali shook her head, trying to grasp Cypher's words.

"I'm sorry, but I'm really not following the logic."

"The geth did not respond to the creator's hostility with emotion, like our observations of organic civilizations reveal a tendency to do. We did not drive the creators off Rannoch with animosity, bitter feelings, or hatred. We simply did not wish to be exterminated. Over time, we judged that the creators would hold these feelings against us, so we defended ourselves against them and lesser observed organic races until we could come to the conclusion that any negative emotions towards the geth had died out."

"And you were just never able to reach that conclusion?"

"Yes. This means that we never ruled out allowing the return of the creators, and, to follow, we left the structures in tact in case we ever judged otherwise."

"I see." Tali stared out the window, her eyes following a particular team that had been reinforcing a section of old storefronts. Two quarians and a single geth unit lifted a steel beam to an appropriate height before two other geth units set to work welding it to become part of the ceiling structure.

"What about now?" She asked. "Is there still animosity?"

"Not as much as we had initially judged there may be when we allowed the return of the creators. It is also worth noting that, although some units still judge negative feelings during interaction with creators, we have noticed a high level of restraint when it comes to acting on such emotions. Though many creators may have such feelings, they do not express them for the purpose of cohesion."

"Had you never observed that in your studies of organics?" Tali asked with an exaggerated tone of surprise, knowing that Cypher wouldn't pick up on her prodding.

"We had observed it, but we were unable to judge how the phenomenon may manifest itself on an individual basis. Thus, we did not make judgments with the observation in mind. Interactions now lead us to believe we may have been wrong in judging this way."

"I don't know about that. There were some pretty strong feelings amongst the quarians."

"We can only tell in hindsight."

"Yeah," Tali said softly to herself.

Aside from that conversation, Tali hadn't had much interaction with anyone except the doctors in a few days. She realized she hadn't gotten out of bed since she had gone to the mirror to examine herself, and, feelings of restlessness beginning to boil in her nerves, she decided one morning to try getting up once more. Slowly, she stood, allowing a few seconds for the dizzyness to wear off before she carefully stepped over to the window. That lead to the first view of quarian society she had gotten, a view that only fueled her near-furious restlessness. In the past two days or so, she had taken to pacing simply to ease the muscles in her legs, itching to move now that they knew they could again.

This afternoon in particular, the light from Tikkun passed unhindered through the skies of Rannoch and cast a beam through the window of Tali's room and over the couch. Tali had laid on her back in the sunlight, trying to relax her fizzling nerves as she shuffled her feet back and forth. Her attempt at calming herself worked to a degree, but she still couldn't escape the incredible longing in her heart that kept her thinking about being away from this room that had become her jail cell.

It was then that Tali heard the doors across the room open. Raan shared in Cypher's obligatory greeting and then crossed the room to Tali.

"You look quite relaxed," Raan said upon seeing Tali sprawled across the couch.

"It's deceiving," Tali said. "I'm serious. I'm coming closer and closer to doing some serious psychological damage to Cypher."

"I know," Raan said behind laughter. "I know how restless you're getting, so I talked... argued... with some people and managed to get you a present. Well, two, actually." Tali opened her eyes and turned her head to Raan, sliding her right hand up her body to shield her eyes from the sun.

"What is it?" Raan reached into a pocket strapped to her thigh and pulled out two objects: one sleek, black box, and the other a small, damaged mechanism. Upon sight, Tali had sat herself upright in the blink of an eye.

"You... you got my omni-tool back?"

"And I got you a new one. It's nothing special, it certainly isn't as good as your old one, and the doctors forced me to pre-program some restrictions to it... but I hoped you would still appreciate it."

"I... yes, I do," Tali said softly as she picked up the damaged device and brushed her thumbs across it. For a moment, she could only stare before slowly holding out her arm and activating the tool, spawning a fuzzy and inconsistent orange display that still showed the link she had set up between the Normandy and the Thanix missile control systems in the attempt to take down the reaper guarding the beam. Of course, all the signals had been lost, but Tali couldn't help recalling that last desperate moment, watching Shepard sprint into hordes of reapers towards the last set of missiles as Garrus played his patented game of disappearing heads, all while they were being hammered by the reaper's lasers.

Tali closed the link and immediately began a search. The damage to the omni-tool kept it from generating a consistent display, and, as such, it often wouldn't register a keystroke as Tali worked, causing her much frustration as she typed, deleted, typed, hit the back arrow, inserted a character once, twice, hit the forward arrow, and repeated the process several times. Finally, she arrived in the directory where she stored all of her personal information. There wasn't much of it- informal land claims from when she'd landed on Rannoch, a picture or two from Haestrom (the few she could take _before_ they were ravaged by geth), and a text document she kept as a kind of diary, though she had only opened it a dozen times and had actually written in it even less. But there was also one photo at the end of the list, the one she'd been specifically looking for that brought her some relief and some sadness when she found it. Hesitantly, the girl brought up the photo, displaying an image taken the first night she and Shepard had spent together. The two lay on the bed in Shepard's quarters, Tali's head resting on Shepard's chest, both of them, faces uncovered, turned and smiling towards Tali's drone.

"Just make sure it doesn't shoot anything," Shepard had said, reluctant to have Chiktikka out in the small room.

"No promises. I did just upgrade it with optic-sensing technology," Tali shot back, her voice dripping with sarcasm and playfulness.

"Comforting." She couldn't help but laugh at Shepard's genuine nervousness, the confident and poised Commander knocked down the ladder of dominance by his new girlfriend's glowing orange ball that spat rockets.

Tali felt the upward tug on the corners of her mouth as she remembered that night. Raan watched the tears shimmer in the girl's eyes.

"I suppose now would be as good a time as any," Raan said. "Tali, I have both good news and bad news for you."

"Okay," Tali said softly, her eyes not diverting from the picture.

"The bad news is that I haven't been entirely honest with you in a certain matter." Tali's eyes moved to the glowing dots behind the admiral's mask and followed her as she stood and walked toward the corridor.

"The good news... is that there's somebody here to see you." This stole Tali's full attention. The girl stood and stared towards the door, letting the damaged omni-tool roll out of her palm as she watched the admiral disappear through the doors. For a moment, there was only silence, the silence that had driven Tali through the roof in the time she had been in the hospital, the utter nothingness that pushed her nerves toward complete insanity.

Then, the doors opened once more, and through them came a very familiar man, moving on his own only with the assistance of a black cane that sported an N7 logo just under the hook on the long end. She watched as he moved to the counters before leaning the cane up against them, then continued to limp slowly towards her, his right knee appearing to be the dysfunctional one. He stopped a few feet away from her, and for a moment, they only stood and stared at each other. She took note of his clothing, only his light N7 jacket holding any remnants of the military man she remembered him as. His short, brown hair hadn't changed, and neither had the shadow of facial hair he kept around his mouth since he was detained by the Alliance. The rest of his face hinted at slight exhaustion, but still held that inspirational countenance that gave new life to the girl's heart. In his eyes, she saw light, a renewed energy, but she also saw the pain, the heaviness of the war that he hadn't forgotten in addition to an utter emptiness that now seemed to be fading quickly. The longer she stared, the less she noticed it.

"Tali," He said, holding true to the confidence in his form, though his voice was perhaps a little quieter than she remembered. The simple name spoke a volume of longing, a journey, and fulfillment. Tali felt warmth returning to her heart and tears pressing through her eyes, tears of happiness, but also of sadness from the hidden pain she had become all too adept at finding in the figure in front of her.

For a moment, Tali couldn't respond; she could only stand, frozen in her emotions, as the name echoed through her ears and bounced back and forth inside her head. She forced herself to swallow as if to drain the possessed sound from her mind, though it seemed not to work as her mouth had gone completely dry. She had one choice, one way to force herself to accept the scene in front of her, one way to return herself to sanity.

"Shepard."


	6. Part 5

"But... Raan, she said... she told me you were on Earth... bad injuries, but you're here, and... and..." The girl panicked through not being able to form a coherent thought in words. Shepard took the few remaining steps to close the distance between them and wrapped his arms around the delirious and stupified girl.

"I got better," He said softly into her ear.

* * *

Feeling her own skin against his was great. Listening to his voice unassisted was great. The true warmth from his body was great, but there was nothing better than his heartbeat, the way it pulsated so rhythmically, the way it intertwined her body with his as the beat vibrated through her veins, bones, everything. She had her arms wrapped around Shepard, her legs intermingling with his. Her head rested on his chest, and she had almost begun to feel her own heat beat in tandem with his, suddenly noticing how her breathing had already unconsciously conformed to the rise and fall of his chest.

"I've never actually been able to listen to anyone's heartbeat before," She said softly.

"I can't imagine what living inside that suit must be like," Shepard replied, his voice distorted by the hum of his words in his chest.

"It's hard. We try to make up with words. Sociability. It just... nothing compares to this. I've never felt this close to someone. I've never been able to snuggle up close to someone else and listen to their heartbeat."

"You must really like it," Shepard said, amused at how cute she had been since pulling off her helmet, making a comment whenever she took in an unhindered sense.

"It's wonderful. It's relaxing. Warming. It makes you feel... real. Not that I ever _doubted _that you were real, it's just... I mean, it's been real the whole time, but your heartbeat really makes it feel... _real._" Shepard laughed and ran a hand through her hair, subjecting the girl to the chill that followed the tingling of nerves from the contact of the pads of his fingers gently brushing against her scalp. She pulled herself closer, using the beating of his heart to refuel the warmth in her body.

* * *

It was the first time since that night that she felt his heartbeat again. She heard it, felt it pounding at first, hammering her as to the reality that stood with its arms wrapped around her. Slowly, though, as she raised her own arms and returned the embrace, his heart softened its song, and she felt her body begin to pulse in harmony with the gentle rhythm. She embraced the warmth, the comfort, the relaxation she hadn't felt in so long, holding her captain tighter and tighter until suddenly, the pain in her ribs decided to interject itself into the moment. Tali grunted softly as she pulled herself back, grasping her side with her left hand.

"You alright?" Shepard asked.

"I have... had?... three broken ribs. The pain just won't go away."

"I'm sorry. I wouldn't have hugged you so tightly."

"No, no, it was... it was nice. And, you didn't know."

"Still, though." The two stood and stared at each other for a moment more.

"So... obviously you aren't on Earth," Tali started. "How long have you been here?"

"About a month and a half," Shepard replied casually.

"Wait... seriously?"

"Yeah. It feels like longer, though."

"What have you been doing this whole time?"

"Sitting outside your door, starting arguments with every doctor that tried to get into your room."

"You've been sitting outside _that _door _this whole time_?" The girl replied, wincing slightly as she pointed towards the corridor with her right hand.

"Not the whole time," Shepard replied. "They gave me a place to sleep. I've helped a little here and there, where my knee will let me. But for most of the daylight hours, yes. I've been sitting there waiting for them to let me in." Shepard hobbled around the girl and to the couch as he spoke, letting himself succumb to gravity as opposed to controlling his sitting motion. He rubbed his knee a little as Tali sat beside him.

"How did you get them to let you in?" She asked. Shepard turned his head towards the window and folded his hands across his lap.

"Raan is to thank for that. She told me about her theory... as to why you're alive."

"Oh... she did," Tali replied, more of a statement than a question.

"Yeah. She argued that with the doctors and they finally agreed to let me in 'provisionally'. I think they also want to see how you react to me, though."

"...I see," Tali said softly, her cheeks burning red.

"Hey," Shepard replied, matching her tone. He raised his hand to her opposite cheek and turned her face towards himself. She didn't resist, but she wouldn't lift her eyes to his.

"It's... ironic. The precautions we took... I never would have thought... us... would save your life," Shepard said. He brushed his thumb across the scar on her cheek. "They keep telling me how bad you were, the injuries, the blood loss, the broken bones... They made it sound like I'd be walking in on a train wreck. Right here, right now, though... all I'm thinking about is how... well... you look." The girl's expression remained neutral, but she finally matched her gaze to Shepard's.

"I can't tell you how happy I am that you're alright," he said, letting his hand slide off her cheek.

"Me too," Tali replied. "I mean, happy that _you're _alright... I mean, I'm happy that I'm alright too, but that statement was for you... that you're alright, not me..." Tali shook her head and locked her fingers together. "It's just that... you were with me even when you couldn't actually be with me... I just wish I could have been with you..." Shepard leaned back against the couch and turned his head back to the window.

"You were," he said.

"I was?"

"I think so."

"But... I was here. How could I have been there?"

* * *

All he could see was mist. He was standing, though he wasn't sure why, or even how he had gotten here, though the mist perplexed him most of all. Left, mist. Right, Mist. Front, mist. Back...

There was something behind him.

He took a few steps toward the shadow until it came into clarity. First, the beautifully bio-luminescent eyes, then, the purple visor and the purple veil that hugged her body, which was now standing before him in perfect clarity.

"Shepard," she said as her attention seemed to shoot to him. She sounded surprised, though there wasn't anything else for her to have been preoccupied with, or so he thought. Maybe Tali saw something in the mist he didn't. He didn't know. He didn't know where the hell he was, or what was going on.

"Tali? Where are we?" He asked. Instead of answering, she simply stared at him for a few seconds longer before closing the distance between them with a few aggressive steps and lashing the side of his face with her hand.

"What the hell were you thinking?" She growled. Shepard had now given up on trying to comprehend the situation; he stood with his hand on his throbbing cheek, figuring Tali would continue to explain herself if he stared for long enough.

"Calling in the Normandy for evac? There was a_ reaper_! You could have gotten everybody killed! Joker, Garrus, Kaidan... All of them! And for what? To get us out? We followed you through the conduit in a mako- _a mako!-_ we followed you to the collector base, but to the citadel? No, it's too dangerous for us to follow you there!"

"Tali, I-"

"You know damn well Garrus and I would have followed you to hell if you asked us to! You know we would have been there, at your side, the whole way!" By now, Tali's voice had begun to quiver with sadness behind her radiant anger.

"Tali..."

"We would have come with you!" She said, drawing closer. Shepard saw her clenched fists and braced for another lashing. She now stood only a few inches away, putting on her best show of intimidation, but Shepard could hear her trying to suppress tears. She hung her head, took a step back, and relaxed her hands.

"I... you told me..." She had begun to stutter through her sobs. Shepard stepped towards her and wrapped his arms around the distressed Quarian, and she returned the embrace.

"Tali, I needed you to live."

"If it meant being with you, I would have died at your side. You know that."

"You have a homeworld. You have your people. You had so much to live for, so much you could still accomplish."

"So did you!" Tali replied, pulling away from Shepard's arms. "You had the alliance! You had friends, you had Earth-"

"By the end of that damn war..." Shepard begun, anger welling in his voice before he sighed and relaxed once again, "...all I wanted was you. I had to make sure you lived, Tali." She cradled her elbows in her hands, staring at the ground. She took in a deep, quivering breath before looking back up to Shepard.

"I love you," she said.

"I love you too. If there was anything I could do for the chance to tell you that, just one more time... I would do it."

"Then wake up," Tali said, pleadingly.

"...what?" Tali stepped away from Shepard, retreating into the mist that was also fading to black.

"Please, Shepard, wake up!" and then she had disappeared, and in a few more seconds, the mist was completely gone, replaced by a faint light in the sky that was only getting brighter. The surface Shepard stood on began to tremble, the initial force knocking him off his feet. He scrambled backwards frantically as the light continued to approach him, the trembling increasing in magnitude as well, almost to the point of deafening him. His senses were being overwhelmed, pain shooting into his body, before the trembling stopped, and he frantically took in a breath of air, though he immediately coughed it all back out as the vast quantity of dust he inhaled was violently rejected by his throat and lungs. Each convulsion sent a deathly burst of agony through his body, forcing him to stop as he grimaced physically and audibly, crying out in the sudden pain that hit him.

"My sensors just spiked," Shepard heard from off in the distance.

"What? We just scanned that area. No life signs."

"Well, I've got life signs now." there was a momentary pause.

"I'll be damned. Alright, let's check it out." Another pause. He wondered if the voices were talking about him. Shepard thought he had just been dreaming; could he really have been dead?

"Dear god... That's... That's Shepard!" He heard. "Call for a shuttle!" Footsteps rushed over to Shepard's side. The faint light he saw was blocked by a helmet in his view.

"Commander! Commander, can you hear me?"

Shepard responded with a regretful cough and a stiff nod.

"It's alright, commander, we're going to get you out of here!" Slowly, Shepard felt himself succumbing to pain. He fought to stay awake, fearing that if he fell asleep, he might not wake up again. He had to stay awake, the only thing on his mind being the Quarian woman he suddenly felt so far away from, the one that had pulled him out of his sleep so that he could return to her. Circumstances were too much, though. The emotion, the pain, the confusion- Shepard's mind couldn't handle it. He felt himself slipping, panicking, until everything fell to black.

* * *

Tali sat, staring at the ground, utterly speechless.

"It... it was just a dream," She said quietly. "I wasn't actually there for you."

"Maybe not consciously." Shepard stood and limped to the window. "It was... a revelation. I had a lot of time to think about it while I was in the hospital. At first, sure, it was just the attraction, just wanting to see you again. But the more I thought about it, the deeper the reasoning became. That war exploited so many imperfections in things I used to think were... well, not perfect, but at least things that had justifications for any shortcomings. The Alliance, politics, various aspects of all alien races... even humanity itself. _None _of that appeared in a dream, coaxing me back to life." he paused for a moment, watching as the last sliver of Tikkun disappeared behind the mountains in the distance. "I think I was trying to tell myself something. I was trying to say that... by the end of that war, the only thing I could still see good in... the only person... was you. You came to me as the only representation of good, the only thing left worth living for, a conclusion built upon an infinite number of observations from the hunt for Saren to the death of the last reaper. You've been with me the whole way, so it only makes sense that you were with me as I lay potentially dying on the citadel." Once again, the girl had been rendered speechless. Shepard sat back down on the edge of the couch, keeping his right leg out straight.

"I'm sorry. I know that might be a lot to digest... but, essentially... You're why I'm still alive."

Tali was stubborn sometimes and she knew it, especially when it came to things that put her in the spotlight. She wasn't around to be glorified; she just wanted to help, to further goodness in people and situations. It made this particular moment all the more special, the rare moment that someone convinced her of having done something great. Perhaps she just wanted to hear it, wanted to know that she had actually been there for Shepard, but if that was true, she could have stopped him at the beginning and not listened to the entire story, but she couldn't, and even as she had listened, she hadn't felt the comfort roll over her heart until the very last line.

_You're the reason I'm still alive. _

The girl pushed herself across the couch and grasped one of Shepard's hands in both of hers. For a moment, she stared awkwardly, feeling the hotness in her cheeks, before she finally closed her eyes and leaned her head in, pressing her lips against his. It was an incredible feeling, an incredible warmth and comfort that she hadn't felt in way too long. She felt all the pent-up emotion escaping the confines of her nerves: the anger, sadness, restlessness- everything she had felt in the past few weeks vanished, the void replaced only by the puzzle piece it had been crafted it fit.

Shepard pulled the girl back, keeping their lips locked, until they were both lying on the couch. Tali pulled herself away and snuggled herself up under his arm, her head buried in his shoulder.

"Alright," She whispered. "We're even."


	7. Part 6

Tali had been awake for some time, confused at how she had gotten back to her bed, but once she noticed she still had an arm wrapped around Shepard, she simply accepted it and burrowed herself closer, shutting her eyes and enjoying the bliss. It didn't last long, though; after a few minutes of peace, Shepard became suddenly restless, constantly shifting his legs and arms, readjusting his position only to end up in the same place. Soon after that, it died down, but so did the heaviness of his breathing that came over him when he slept.

"Are you awake?" Tali asked quietly, as to not disturb him if he wasn't.

"Yeah," he replied.

"Are you alright? You seemed... restless. Uncomfortable." Shepard sat up and hung his legs off the side of the bed, dropping his face into his hands. Tali followed his motions as to keep an arm around him the best she could. Once he stopped moving, she managed to get both around him and locked her hands across his chest, resting her chin on his shoulder.

"Just... bad dreams. Bad memories."

"Anything in particular?" She felt Shepard try to stand, but with all the strength her body allowed, she pulled him back and kept him sitting. "You aren't going anywhere. Not with that knee."

"Nothing I can't handle," he replied softly. His tone shouted with a pain that Tali hadn't heard before. It was unlike the pain he spoke with after Ashley's death, unlike the pain from watching the Shroud explode, unlike the pain after he read prayers with Kolyat as Thane passed away.

"This is different," Tali said.

"Yes. It is. But like I said, I can handle it." She felt the pain pulsating from his body in such a manner that made her want to let him go, but she didn't. In fact, she hugged him tighter, trying to repress the sensation like it was a vibration in need of dampening.

"You know, the only thing resting on your shoulders now is me," She said with a hint of enthusiasm. "I won't judge you if you need to talk. If you want to talk, and I think you do, I'll listen. Always." Shepard looked up across the room. Tali got the sense that he wanted to stand again, but she kept her grip.

"How much do you know about what happened after you got off Earth?"

"Nothing. I had apparently fallen unconscious by the time the Normandy left Earth's atmosphere. I haven't asked, and nobody has said anything to me. I was hoping you might clarify that... when you were ready." Shepard took a deep breath and looked back down.

"We were brushed by a laser. It was blinding... hot... I've never been so hot in my life. It faded... wore off, I could see again... I got back up, I don't know why, but I did. The entire team that had been with us... they were all dead. I watched a few of them die as I kept pushing myself forward... towards the beam. There was a Marauder... he shot at me, I think he even hit me, but I didn't feel it, I was just angry, upset, mad at everything... I shot the damn thing in the head, then put another bullet in it as I passed over its lifeless body... I kept going and was just surrounded by light for the longest time until everything went dark again and I hit the floor inside the citadel. It was dark. There were bodies everywhere. Keepers rummaging through them. And... Anderson was still alive. He said he followed me up. We made it into a chasm, and then to the control panel..." Shepard had to stop for a moment, seeming to be physically hurt by recalling all the pain.

"It's alright. You're alright," Tali whispered to him.

"The Illusive Man was there. He was controlling Anderson. Then... he was controlling me, too. I tried to break the grasp, but I couldn't. He raised my arm, my gun pointed at Anderson... I pulled the trigger..." Again, Shepard stopped, trying to hold back tears.

"It wasn't your fault, Shepard."

"I managed to convince him. He put a gun to his own head and pulled the trigger... Just like that, it was over. I opened the citadel arms... Anderson and I slumped in the middle of the room... the view of Earth... it was beautiful. Anderson told me he was proud of me... Then I watched him die." Shepard pulled the girl's hands apart and forced himself off the bed, limping over to the window, holding an arm to the wall over his head.

"I was ready to die, too. Covered in blood, another one of the best people I'd ever known taken by that stupid war... I'd done my part. I sat back. Shut my eyes. Then Hackett comes over the comm and says the crucible isn't firing. It was too late by then, I felt myself slipping, but I tried. I pulled myself as far as I could towards the control panel. I didn't make it. I thought it was over." Tali had tears of her own at the story, but then Shepard threw a curve ball at her.

"I wish it had been over, right then and there. It would have been better than what actually happened."

"...what happened?" the girl asked, almost afraid to interject.

"I woke up... somewhere, I don't know. This... thing walks up to me. It tells me it's the catalyst. The catalyst was a fucking AI inside the citadel. Says it controls the reapers, and that the citadel was its home." Shepard took a deep breath, trying to keep his composure. "It tells me that the reapers are its solution to chaos. Synthetics destroying organics to prevent organics from being destroyed by synthetics. Of course, it didn't say it like that. He... it... made it sound a whole lot nicer. But then it tells me the fact that I'm standing there 'altered the variables.' It tells me I have to pick a new solution. It tells me I can destroy the reapers, but that in doing so, I would destroy all synthetics. It tells me I can control the reapers, that my physical form would be dissolved but I would live on as part of them, and they would obey me, but no other synthetics would be affected. And then it tells me I can merge synthetic and organic life, that I can usher in the 'final evolution' of all species, giving perfection to every form of life. It tells me this... synthesis is the ideal solution, but that it had been tried before and failed." Shepard stopped and stared out the window for a moment.

"I chose to destroy them. I walked over to the power conduit and blew the damn thing up, knowing what would happen to the geth... to EDI. But what was I supposed to do? I fought against the Illusive man this entire time to convince him that controlling the reapers was wrong, that we weren't ready for that power. And what If I had chosen synthesis and we weren't ready for it? Why should I have even been able to make that decision?" Shepard leaned his head against his arm, shutting his eyes as tears flowed from them. "I was forced to play god. I had to make a choice I shouldn't have been able to make."

For the longest time, Tali could only watch him cry. She had been with Shepard through some of the most trying moments of the war, but nothing compared to what he had just thrown at her. She had nothing to relate to, nothing she could say. She only had his words that had hit her upside the head like a freight train.

Slowly, she stood and walked over to him, pulling on his shoulder so that he'd turn around, then wrapped her arms around him.

"Regardless... you ended the war," She said quietly. "Regardless of who died and who didn't, there are plenty of people still around that your decision saved from being killed. And, obviously, the geth are still here."

"Yeah," Shepard said. "I discussed that with Raan. She said the units themselves had actually gone offline, but the software hubs and servers hadn't been affected. All it took was a little modification to the units, and soon they were all back online." he stopped and sniffed a few times. "EDI... I don't know why, but she didn't make it." Shepard pulled away from Tali and turned back to the window.

"Joker came to see me a few days after I'd been let out of the hospital. He said colonists that had returned to Tiptree had organized a memorial service. He wanted to be there... but he wanted me to come with him. Seeing him, standing over his family's graves, not even EDI there to comfort him... I'd never seen him so depressed. I couldn't bring myself to tell him that I was the one that took EDI from him."

"You didn't," Tali said.

"Have you listened to anything I said? I chose to destroy synthetics. I chose to take EDI from him."

"No you didn't!" Tali shouted back. "First of all, you made the right choice. You said it yourself. The moral implications behind controlling reapers, that nobody should be able to play 'god' by messing with life the way synthesis would have... all that left you was to destroy them, and that's _exactly _what we had been fighting for the entire time. We knew there could be potential repercussions to using the crucible, and we were prepared for it. Second, you didn't choose to destroy EDI. You didn't chose to destroy the geth. You chose to destroy the _reapers_. Like I said... we knew there might be drawbacks." Tali walked over and turned Shepard to face her again, looking him square in the eye. "If you were to tell Joker about EDI, I _know _he would not blame you. Don't forget that the reapers started this. The reapers forced you into that position. None of this was simply free will." She paused for a moment, trying to think of something to say that would cap off her speech.

"Don't forget that, without you, without that decision... We wouldn't be here. Nobody would be here."

"Yeah," Shepard replied softly. He pulled the girl into himself and held her tightly as to reinforce her words.

"Thanks, Tali. I... I haven't told anyone all that."

"I told you, I'm always here to listen. I'm always here for you."

"Thanks. I appreciate it," Shepard said as he let go of Tali and walked over to the couch.

"It's funny," he said, rubbing his knee as he spoke. "I came here to get away from all of this. I've been having just... awful dreams. Nightmares, every night. I hoped, maybe, coming to see you would get rid of them."

"I'm sorry it hasn't," Tali replied somewhat sadly.

"I don't think it's your fault. I think it's the fact that I was here for a month and a half... so close, but so far. It messed with my head. I ended up dwelling on it too much. Maybe now that I've told you, my head will get better."

"How long had you planned to be here?" Tali asked.

"I don't know," Shepard replied, staring off into the room. "Until you kicked me out, I suppose."

"I... hadn't _planned_ on doing that," Tali said with a hint of amusement.

"I'd hoped you would say that. I'd also hoped that... maybe, once they let you out of this place, you might not mind if I come with you... wherever you end up."

"Are you saying...?"

"I thought, maybe, we'd build that house your father promised you. Somewhere nice... somewhere with a view."

"Shepard..."

"Or, you know, at least pay someone to have it built. I don't think I'll be able to do much with my knee... maybe we could at least draw up the plans together."

"Shepard!" Tali said, pouncing on him and forcing him back onto the sofa. "Yes!"

"Wait... I just asked a lot of questions-"

"To everything," she said, tears dripping from her eyes onto Shepard's cheeks.

"Are you sure?"

"There's _nothing _I want more," she said, her voice quivering with happiness. Tali kissed him with all the passion she could muster. For the longest time, the two lay intertwined on the couch, embracing the happiness of the moment.

"I... I had thought about this before," Tali said after pulling herself away. "Some way to keep you as mine, should we ever get separated _again..._ this was before _your_ trial, when you turned yourself over to the Alliance. I had so much time before I returned to the fleet that I had started looking up human relationship traditions... I found one called... marriage? It talked of ceremonies, rings, vows... it was all very official... do you want any of that?" Shepard couldn't help but smile at how casually the girl was treating the topic.

"I've never been one for ceremonies," Shepard replied. "Are there no quarian bonding traditions?"

"None to speak of," Tali said. She was sure that, had she thought more about it, she could have come up with something, but she didn't care enough to think that deeply. Like Shepard, she didn't need, or really want, some big, celebratory ceremony to keep them together.

"Well... perhaps we should at least make it official... to each other, somehow."

"How would we do that?"

"You could look up how an official wedding would go, I suppose. We could follow the framework." Tali sat up, her legs straddling Shepard, and held out her arm, spawning her omni-tool.

"Oh, dang it," she said. "I forgot the doctors forced Raan into blocking extranet access. Can you look it up?"

"I haven't had an omni-tool since I woke up in the hospital."

"Biotics," Tali said playfully, shaking her head. "Well, I don't know how else we'll figure this out... unless..." Shepard picked up on the direction the girl's eyes were pointed as they caught something in the room. She was staring into the corridor at the single geth unit that inhabited it.

"Oh, no," Shepard said.

"Cypher!" Tali called.

"Tali, do you need assistance?" Came the synthetic voice as it approached the couch, suddenly aware and alert.

"Tali, do you really think this is the best idea?" Shepard asked, a hint of genuine concern in his voice.

"It'll be fine," she said. "Cypher, can you do a search for the structure of a human marriage ceremony?"

"Searching. I have located an entry."

"What does it say?"

"Two humans, typically male and female, are bonded through witness of family and friends. A high ranking religious, military, or other official usually directs the ceremony."

"Cypher, can you direct a marriage?"

"I do not meet the stated requirements."

"You do in this situation."

"The required male and female humans are not present."

"Modify that. Remove the human requirement."

"Given that this is a human tradition, it does not seem wise to remove the human requirement."

"Then make an exception," Tali said with playful frustration. She looked back down into Shepard's eyes. "Male human, female quarian."

"Very well. This ceremony will take place using a male human and a female quarian. What are the names of those taking part in the ceremony?" Shepard rolled his eyes as Tali let out a soft snicker.

"Shepard and Tali'Zorah."

"Searching for a typical ceremony script. Located. Would you like to start now, Tali?"

"Yes," She said, taking Shepard's hands in her own.

"Ceremonies sometimes utilize readings of religious texts chosen by the participants. Are there any texts you would like recited?"

"None that I can think of," Shepard said.

"Me neither," Tali agreed.

"Very well. An exchange of rings typically takes place."

"Skip that one, too," Shepard said.

"We're off to a wonderful start here," Tali replied through laughter.

"Very well. Participants typically take place in exchange of self-written vows."

"That one, I can do," Shepard said, pulling the girl back down on top of him. He took a deep breath before he spoke, staring into Tali's eyes the entire time.

"Tali, I know we've had our troubles through this war. I know it's brought us together and torn us apart alike, but now that it's through, now that I've come to know you for the wonderful, beautiful, sweet-souled girl you are, there's nothing I want more than to spend the rest of my life with you. I will always be there to protect you, support you, and take care of you." There was an awkward silence between the two of them.

"Wait... do I do one, too?" Tali asked.

"Yes," Shepard said, laughing. "If you would like, of course."

"Oh... yes, of course," Tali said, turning slightly red in the cheeks. "Um... Like you said, this war has done... crazy things to us. But, now that I have the chance... I would like to spend the rest of the time I have with you, as well. I've been there when you led, I've been there when you followed, when you laughed, when you cried, when you held your head high in triumph and happiness and when you hung it in failure and sorrow, and... I just want to be with you through the rest. Wherever you go, I'll be there with you. Now, and always. I promise." The two stared at each other, tears in their eyes, radiant happiness in their faces.

"Shall I continue?" Cypher asked after a moment.

"Yes," Shepard replied, knowing what was coming next.

"Very well. At this point, the director usually states: 'by the power invested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.'"

"I... I'm just not feeling it," Shepard said. Tali burst out laughing, burying her head in his chest before sliding back up and kissing her new husband. After a while, she pulled herself back and stared down into Shepard's eyes, seeing the radiant happiness in them that reflected her own inner thoughts and feelings.

"I love you, Tali," he said.

"I love you too, Shepard." She kissed him on the cheek before burrowing herself into his side, warm with the release of long-latent emotion.


End file.
